My therapist suggested I share my experience as the husband of quilter, and who knows, it might help someone else who is struggling? So, here goes.
My wife has gone Batique. That is to say, she suffers from a condition known as BATIQuE which stands for ‘Brain Always Trapped In Quilting Environment’. Of course, it has a different spelling in the US (BATIK).
Until a few years ago, specialists thought BATIQuE was a relatively rare disorder; but, if reports on the internet are to be believed, the condition is spreading. Many people are surprised to learn that BATIQuE can affect men as well as women, and that there is no minimum age for onset (although the incidence does seem to peak at certain ages and life stages). There is currently no cure, but I believe there are several fundraising and awareness campaigns underway, organised by ‘Social Media’ the society which represents BATIQuE sufferers.
The first signs of BATIQuE are easy to miss for the loved ones of sufferers in the US, but for the rest of us, they came as a shock. I first noticed my wife starting to use non-metric units in casual conversation. Oh, I’d heard her say ‘inches’ before in the heat of the moment, but nothing would prepare me for the type of language that she would start using on a regular basis. I almost spat out my coffee when I first heard her mention a length in ‘yards’ and I didn’t know what to do. I sought advice from a friend, and she suggested that when you overreact to bad language you only reinforce the behaviour. So, I bit my tongue; but, before I knew it was inches this and yards that, and that wasn’t the end of it. I saw her notebook lying around on the table and saw she’d started writing down fractions of inches. As a scientist, it really hurt to see her just abandon the metric system as though it never meant anything to her. But, the slang only got worse and suddenly everything was ‘fat’ (but I think the cool kids spell it ‘phat’). Fat quarters, fat eighths; I’ll be honest, it hurt, and I knew I was losing her.
It was then I knew I had to find out more. My research revealed that there seem to be two distinct forms of BATIQuE. One is known as ‘Modern Quilting’. But, this is where it got confusing… the other BATIQuE sufferers also seemed to refer to their condition as ‘modern quilting’. There seemed to be quite a lot of disagreement between the two camps, and I found it hard to keep track of the arguments given the similar names. I’m still not entirely sure what the difference is, but I think my wife has the capitalised version. It seems that BATIQuE spreads through photography, with contaminated images somehow re-wiring the brain over time. A phenomenon known as: ‘re-pinning’ seems to greatly accelerate the onset.
The next symptom I noticed was that things kept arriving. I’ve always respected her privacy, but I must admit that I found it worrying when the mailman was always dropping by. If your partner suddenly started receiving parcels and packages from all over the world, I bet you’d be suspicious too. So, I confronted her. She tried to explain it away, ‘I didn’t buy it’ she protested, spinning me some line about having ‘swapped’ it for something else. I asked her if it was just a casual thing… but she admitted that some of these things were going to be coming and going on a monthly basis.
It hurts, but it feels good to start talking about it. I need a little more time to process my feelings, but maybe next time I can share what happened when I referred to the ‘blanket’ she was working on.
Bernie says
Hilarious!
Vicki H says
I will be waiting for the next installment.
Alyce says
I’m definitely commissioning more from him!
Jennie says
Haha! I love it! 🙂 Especially the part about the “inches” and “yards”!
moira says
That is just awesome, cant wait for the next installment, I just red this to my DH and he totally agreed with yours
Sue says
Thanks! My husband knows he has a support group
Kellie Warren says
I love these!
Gina says
Best post ever Mr. blossomheartquilts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Florence says
Thanks for my morning good moon !!!
I’m a “science” french girl and the inches and yards part confound my family too !
Florence says
mood not moon !!!
Alyce says
I must admit that I can no longer accurately use centimetres to estimate lengths! It’s always inches now!
Beth says
Hahaha! Great! Absolutely great! I am wondering what actually happens when someone suffering with BATIQuE is confronted with the word blanket.I know it might have been a painful experience, but writing about it will surely give you some perspective and closure on the event.
Rachel @ Quiltineering says
Hahahaha! This has me laughing out loud – what a fun post.
I must admit, I think it’s ridiculousness that we Anericans haven’t switched to the metric system!
Mary says
OMG! Loved it. Can’t wait for next episode….
Sandy says
I have tears running down my cheeks, I’m laughing so hard!!!!!!
Jayne says
Bravo!!! What a fun and hilarious post…your husband may be crossing over to ‘the dark side’ with us once his therapy is complete! And of course, if he lives after calling a quilt a blanket!
roger bowles says
At least now we can put a name to this most serious condition! ! Well done!
Sally Murray says
Wonderful! Looking forward to future posts about our common sickness!
Heather J says
ROTFLOL! This was a fabulous read. Can’t wait to read the next post from the partner’s perspective. Well written and very illuminating.
Evie H says
Sweet! Hubbie writes well. =)
pamela says
What a great post. I can only imagine what will come next…..wonderfully written 😊
anita nelson says
Hilarious, I’m forwarding to my husband.
Carrie says
Hilarious.
I am only in the beginning stages. My husband has no idea what he’s in for…
Serena @ Sewgiving says
You need your own hashtag … that’s how my hubby copes with seeing the onset of my BATIQuE on IG … perhaps a support group is in order? Husbands and Boyfriends of Quilters … “HaBs”? Doesn’t have the same ring as WaGs, but I’d hate to see you suffer alone.
Linda says
Hilarious! I am still laughing! Excellent post..more please!
Susie says
Lol! I’m not showing my hubby as I know he will fully agree!
Tish says
I have to forward a link to my husband, I’m pretty sure he will find this hilarious. Maybe all those affected by our conditions can start a support group…as long as they do not have us committed.
Amy says
ha! I’m sending this to B! He’s a tradie so always taking in millimeters for everything. He thinks it’s hilarious when I talk in inches.
Lauren says
My husband has started noticing my keen attention to postal delivery times, and I’m only just stating to show symptoms…Oh dear!
Michelle says
Hilarious! Can’t wait to hear about the ‘blanket’!!
Wens says
This is gold 🙂
Sarah says
I must agree this is truly hilarious, and the best reading I’ve read in quite awhile.
Keep it coming.