When a pondering Instagram caption becomes too long and wordy, and instead, you ponder aloud in a blog post…
In life, in all areas of life, there are a lot of shoulds that swirl around. In parenting, in friendships, in relationships, in faith, in work, in play, in self-care…
You should have a daily routine and schedule.
You should spend time creating before consuming.
You should work harder to grow your business more and more.
You should get up earlier to go to the gym and read the Bible and prepare yourself mentally for the day before the kids get up and get a load of washing started.
You should. You should. You should.
But in fact, if you listen closely enough, what these shoulds actually mean is that you must. You aren’t good enough if you don’t.
I’ve been feeling the weight of all the shoulds lately, especially in regards to my work. I love what I do, and yet I’m burned out by the shoulds. There’s so much noise out there in the world of online business – so many shiny lights (or dewy Instagram posts), and loud podcasts, and all the courses and memberships to become a Better Business Person Like Me Because You Aren’t Enough Now and You Need to Do More.
Actually, no, I don’t want more. I am enough. This is my business that I have created to suit myself and my family, and I’m ok with slow and steady because that’s who I am and what’s best for my family. Just because some celebrity entrepreneur says that I should do something to grow my business, doesn’t mean it’s right for me.
And I’m not alone in these feelings. When I read this post by Rachel at Stitched In Color, I was mentally cheering her along! Here’s to ignoring the shoulds and doing what is right for ourselves. And I keep re-reading this blog post about creatives and Instagram, and reflecting on my own use of social media with work, etc.
For too long, I’ve compared myself to others in this quilty biz – well, if they’re doing X pattern releases per year, or have the perfect Instagram feed, or go live every week, then so should I, right? Um, wrong. That’s right for them. Not necessarily for me.
Also, the world loves extroverts. The business world loves extroverts (and even more so if you’re an extroverted Type 3!) and the “algorithms” reward them for happily showing up and sharing all the time. I’m an introvert. I don’t have that much to say publicly every day 😂 And when I do have a need to be so “out there”, such as a pattern release, I often disappear for a few days afterwards because I need to regroup and refresh myself.
I’m thrilled for my quilty biz peeps who are happily creating more, hustling more, growing more… it’s just not me. At least, not right now. It’s ok to be me who I am today, doing what me and my family need today.
For the moment, for now, that’s a journey of mindful creativity. Of playing creatively. Of accepting who I am and not comparing myself to others. And as always, that will be reflected in my work, however that might end up looking! All I know for sure is that I’ll be constantly reminding myself that I need to do what is right for me, and what I love, not what I “should” do.
For one thing, I have been quite nostalgic for the “olden days” of blogging, where I posted progress and not just the Grand Reveal. And for this introvert, writing a blog post is much easier than sharing the stories and thoughts Live! I can ponder, write, backspace and rewrite. Creativity is part physical, and part emotional – the stories behind the decisions we make in the creative process. The thoughts we have while being present in the making. That’s something I want to share more of!
I have also been missing the newsletters I used to write that were full of pics and stories and sharing links and goodies from around the place, so I think those might make a comeback in blog form!
So there you go, 700 or so words straight from my thoughts to you, sharing my heart and my mind of where I am at right now. Of me re-remembering who I am (or that it’s ok to keep trying to work that out!), and reminding myself to stay authentic to who I am. And if that doesn’t make sense with the shoulds of online business, than so be it.
Sara says
I came to your site lured by the kokeshi doll pattern. I am sad to see it has been discontinued. I don’t know many Japanese people, but those that I do know, love the fact that I have fallen in love with the cherry blossom this year :-). I started reading about the sakura, organized a hanami picnic and bought a kokeshi doll called HaruNoKaze (Spring Breeze) to commemorate this cold and breezy spring, and just because I fell in love with her cuteness. I feel quite comfortable exploring different cultures and find that most people appreciate my curiosity and interest. I admit that in this modern world it is not easy to find a balance between protecting and preserving cultural elements, but also delighting in exchange and evolution, but I do believe that when understanding and connection are our goals, we mustn’t be too fearful of making mistakes. I think the international quilting community is a perfect example of techniques and styles being shared all over the globe and being adapted to local style and culture. I wonder what Japanese quilt artists in general would think of your patterns? I know a few (not people who sell patterns, just quilters/embroiderers), I might have to ask them. In the meanwhile I wish you luck and wisdom in finding what is the right course of action in this case. And I will try and design a little doll myself, because I so want to dress little dolls with little dresses from my fabric cupboard (but first I must finish some other projects … story of every quilter’s life 😉 )
Alyce says
Japanese makers and designers and creatives have spoken, and I linked to a couple of good articles in the original blog post that I recommend reading to hear from them directly – https://ysolda.com/blogs/journal/an-open-letter-to-white-makers-and-designers
Carole @ From My Carolina Home says
I believe that it is more important to have balance, that your goals reflect what makes you happy. Never apologize for living the life you choose. Finding joy in your daily endeavors is important and if you are pushing so hard you get to burnout, that isn’t good (ask me how I know!) . You are a fabulous designer and I have followed your blog for a while now. It would be delightful to see more pics and stories, if that brings you happiness to share. Continue to be true to yourself, and live your own life on your own path.
Alyce says
Yep, I hit burnout mid-last year, so I know what that’s like, and I can see it looming again if I don’t make some changes ♥
Lisa G :-) says
Hi Alyce! I’m not a quilter, but the first few lines of your blog post as displayed on by daily Bloglovin’ email pulled me in, and I agree with you whole-heartedly! There is never a “one size fits all” answer, and when we keep our priorities straight (hello, family!) and learn to follow our instincts, we find true satisfaction in living. I am a 51-year-old introvert, and sometimes I wish for the pre-social-media days, when only the people in our inner circle could throw suggestions (and sometimes judgment), and we were less aware of what we thought we maybe weren’t…so much less stressful!! I accompanied my husband on a work trip yesterday, and we stopped at a quilt shop on the way home. As I walked around, I told him I always feel so inspired by the beauty of a well-curated quilt shop. “You could make quilts just as beautiful!” he said. And he’s probably right, so one day I might. And if I decide to give it a go, I think I’ll be buying your 2nd book!
Alyce says
Thank you so much! My first priorities in life are indeed my family – I was a wife and a mother before I started quilting, nevermind a business owner! And I think your husband is on to something – you could absolutely make beautiful quilts too 😉
Anny Schomburg says
Alyce, you have spoken so many truths in this post.. I’m retired 7 years now and still struggle with “I need a schedule. I should be productive. I should be sewing more. I should….” I too am introvert. Many, including my mother, just can’t understand that I’m ok with staying home, I don’t need to be a “social butterfly”. In fact many times I prefer the solitude or just 1 person with me. I support you in being you. Here’s to just being present in the moment!
Alyce says
I can 100% see myself really struggling with that when I get to that stage of life too!
Bernie says
Alyce, you have written what is in my heart but left unexpressed. I appreciate you taking the time to figure out the words for me. Honestly, I feel like you wrote exactly what I am feeling. I agree completely – to the point where I wonder if I shouldn’t just get off social media. I love reading blogs. For some reason that evil sense of comparison doesn’t happen like it does with IG and FB. Enjoy your work/life/family balance in the way it makes most sense for you. Well said Alyce!!
Alyce says
If a platform isn’t serving *me*, and instead I’m feeling like I’m having to serve it, then that’s a big wake up call. I run my life, not an app!
Stephanie formerly at Quilt'n Party says
Alyce, you really nailed it with this post. Last year in the middle of the pandemic I just let all my blogging and Instagramming go. I just didn’t want to face it. I continued to sew but I just didn’t want to share it. I was struggling with the pressure to do videos and IG posts every single day. But as a consumer, I don’t like videos, I want to get lost in pretty photos and nice words so I continue to look at blogs and IG but never the videos and stories that people post. It’s too much noise and I have enough noise during the day. I’ve spent this time trying to figure out how I want my contribution to the online quilting world to look and I’ve decided that I just want to make myself happy and if people enjoy it they will join me. Thank you so much for this post that came at the right time and I wish you all the best in your own quilting journey.
Alyce says
“If people enjoy it they will join me” is exactly right. If I’m not happy/not fully enjoying myself, how can I expect others to as well?!
Tina K says
Many years ago, a dear friend was getting counseling. The wise therapist told her, “Shoulds are sh-t!” I’ve always tried to remember that.
Alyce says
LOL! I love that!
Linda says
Happy to read your post! Yep, life is too short to go at the speed of light ALL. THE. TIME! Especially doing what others expect you to do. Being retired, you’d think I’d slow down but life got faster and crazier. Even during a pandemic we had loads of responsibility and during off times, I tried to quilt, quilt, quilt even taking on a crazy commission where I had to design the entire quilt, piece, quilt and mail in a short amount of time. Well, it robbed me of my joy! And that ain’t livin!
So…the plan is to chill a bit more and savor the day, the moment. Enjoy my time with the grands, look for the beauty. I run a loose business and I am fortunate to have a tiny retirement chunk of change, not supporting myself in any way by my quilting, but I am done letting it rule my life…time to smell the roses, and peonies, and lilacs. I want to quilt when, and what I want to quilt, to enjoy it.
I’m glad you’ve made the decision that works for you as well! I have deleted a lot of bloggers and deleted different emails I receive simply because reading them exhausts me and it pushes me to go, go, go and I just don’t want to any longer.
Alyce says
I don’t do commissions for that very reason – it takes away the joy of the creative process for me!
Aileen says
Well said! I remember a counsellor telling me ‘don’t should all over yourself’. It’s hard to quell those thoughts sometimes but important to dial back our urges to prove ourselves worthy.
Alyce says
Haha, what a great saying!